Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
