Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
