i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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