What did we do last night that was yellow?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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