i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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