Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
