shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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