Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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