I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
