i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize