i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
