New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
