And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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