Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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