You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
