All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
