Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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