nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
