38 yer olds are good kisserssss
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
