whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
