it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My vagina just recognized that song.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need moral support for this bender
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
