He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
