Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
