I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
