The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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