We won't sleep together?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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