I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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