just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize