someone get that fucking seahorse.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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