So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
