Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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