Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
