I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
