I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Screwed.edu
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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