he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
