ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
