I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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