I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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