guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
