If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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