8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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