Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
