Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
