I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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