Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
