I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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