what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
