Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
