I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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