why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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