he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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