She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Success! We fucked roommates!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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