I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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