My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
