3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
