I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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