It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
