Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Randomize
