I just cut my nipple shaving
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
