i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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