I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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