Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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