I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
