i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
