I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
