Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
